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The Lord came to Noah, in Canada, in the year 2004. The earth was
wicked and over-populated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another
Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans.
"Here's the blueprint", said the Lord. "Hurry.... in six months I
start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah
weeping in his flooded yard.... and no ark. "Noah", He roared, "Where
is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need
for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the
neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the
height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision. Then Transport Canada and the Department
of Highways and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of
moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be
coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go!
I gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As
well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space.
Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building
crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union trades-people with
Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the Canada Revenue Agency seized all my assets,
claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally as well as with
endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least
ten years to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder. "You mean you're
not going to destroy the world?" he asked.
"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it"
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