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21 ways to amuse yourself during a boring homily... |
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1. Pass a note to the organist asking whether she plays requests. 2. See if a yawn really is contagious. 3. Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the Rector. 4. Devise ways of climbing into the choir loft without using the stairs. 5. Listen for the Rector to use a word beginning with ‘A’ then ‘B’ then ‘C’ and so on throughout the alphabet. 6. Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. 7. After the liturgy, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front. 8. Using the church bulletin for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes. 9. Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed. 10. Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory. 11. Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn. 12. If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles. 13. Pretend to be 4 years old. 14. By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt inside out. 15. Try to raise one eyebrow. 16. Crack your knuckles. 17. Think about your chin for an entire minute. 18. Twiddle your thumbs. 19. Twiddle your neighbour’s thumbs. 20. Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice. 21. Practice smiling insincerely. |
